Monday, December 13, 2010

Note to self: You really do care

It all started this morning when I began freaking out about the Christmas card picture for this year... It is the 13th of December, I have no Christmas card picture or card, and this is Ellie's first Christmas. This is supposed to be the best card. We have to have the perfect picture that shows all of our friends and relatives how happy we are and how adorable Ellie is, right? I was really beginning to stress out because time is running out. I was really getting anxious about all of this. Then, I stopped, thought about it, and asked myself, "Self, why do you care so much about this?" Will it effect Ellie or Eric or anyone for that matter? No. So, what's the deal?? It hit me...

I really do care...

About what you all think about me...

I hesitated writing this post, because, I am not really sure who all reads this blog and it is kind of scary to put yourself out there. But, in an effort to be genuine and trying not to spend life hiding behind the fear of transparency, I'll press on...

I hate to say it, but I kind of prided myself on the idea that I didn't care. That I wasn't afraid to go against the grain, do my own thing, go against the flow. You get me? But, I realize that there is still a big part of me, even though I am in my mid-twenties (wayyyy past all that high school peer pressure, try to be cool stuff) a wife and a mom, that still worries about an image and wants people to think of me in a certain way.

I know it doesn't matter. Or at least it shouldn't matter. But, I let it. I know my identity is in the Lord and His view of me is what does matter. Yet, I am still a sinful person living in a fallen world struggling with the same old things day after day. Will I ever not really care?? Probably not.

But, for now, I'll be me (as much as I can be since I am still trying to figure out who that really is) and you be you.

Thanks for letting me get that out there. It's a bit easier to work through things when you actually stop and think about what needs working through. You feel me?

6 comments:

Heidi said...

We all care to a certain extent. I've found it really difficult this year especially because we've been through so much that has made me stressed, sad, hurt & I find myself still trying to make sure people think that I'm happy & life is wonderful even whenit really isn't. It's an ongoing battle to be transparent.

Eric and Emily said...

PS I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting a really cute card- we love getting yalls so keep em coming- I was just putting to much stock into it.

Eric and Emily said...

Heidi- you are so right. I admire how you've handled all you have. I don't know why it is so hard, but feel glad that there are people with whom we can be real and that doesn't change the way they think of us, ya know? Miss yall so so much. I know I say it all the time, but I do!

DavidandSteff said...

Yep...not caring too much about what people think(including ourselves, sometimes we are our biggest critics) is a battle most of us fight. I think the more we focus on Jesus and eternity, the less things like cute cards matter. They are fun, but if they don't happen... oh well! I'd still like one please...even if it's a picture in an ugly card :)

Kelsey Clark said...

Em-I love your ability to be open and honest. It is seriously a wonderful quality in you. What Heidi said really hit home. I feel like I am so blessed in all that God has given me-but there are still times in the day to day when I want to scream. I try SO hard to "be" a certain way and then feel awful when the truthful emotions come pouring out. It is crazy though how we can get wrapped up in the little things. Thanks for giving me something to stop and think about. I SOOO wish you guys lived closer! Miss and love you loads!!!

Carina Deshotels said...

Emily, I didn't realize you had a BLOG, but I was looking through Stephanies and found yours! I love what you had to say as well. I wanted to tell you that I often put all these posts on facebook, but then wonder if someone didn't really know me since High School or know me that well that I recently met, what kind of view would they get. Would all my rants about God and perfect family posts paint a picture that I am this perfect little person and unrelateable? I have wondered if someone rolls their eyes at my posts. I have been thinking recently to not just post such happy go lucky that everything is so perfect and great and like you said, be a little more transparent...that even though God excites me BEYOND BELIEF, I still am about to burst with stress sometimes at the end of the day from taking care of all the blessings God has entrusted me with. I know it's not completely what you were saying, but figured I'd share! I think everyone struggles in all different ways with those things. Hope you have a Merry Christmas.